Now that I am officially 50, officially “mid-age” : I am manifesting living a happy healthy life until I am 100.

I am looking back at my adult life, contemplating how I got to this exact moment.

It wasn’t easy. Past days full of heartache I tend to block from my mind if I know I’m not in a good mental space to recall.

Two children passed on, two failed marriages, being physically, emotionally, and spiritually abused from multiple relationships. Becoming part of the #Metoo movement… The list of “stuff” could go on and on. We all have “stuff”. Some have more “stuff” than others.

The past made me full of grit. Courage and resolve; strength of character. Someone I can lean on, someone people can turn to.

So what WOULD I tell my 20-year-old self looking back? This question is asked a lot, full of intrigue and complexity.

Don’t worry and stress over the things I can not control. I’m and fixer. A “doer”. Solving problems is burned into my DNA. I can not control others’ actions which may or may not result in affecting the course of my life. What I can do is know that something bad can always lead to something good…

There are no mistakes. There are only life lessons. If I looked back, shaking my head at all the “mistakes”, I would never leave my home or have another conversation or get into relationships with family and friends… I would potentially become a recluse… That IS a mistake! Each time I feel as if I haven’t done, said, or pursued the right thing I take a moment, breathe, pray and ponder what IS IT I can take away from this, and how can I change or do better for my future.

Things will be better than I ever imagined. It takes patience. Don’t get me wrong, I went through years of “hard times” but I now know, it’s confirmed that God’s plan is better than mine.

Don’t buy crap I really don’t need, especially to impress people that really don’t matter in my life or care. I have a closet filled with designer things, purses, scarves, shoes, and clothes. Guess what I do with them now… They sit in the closet.

Shop for experiences, not things. I vaguely remember the gifts I give or get each year for Christmas but I DO remember all the trips, near or far I have taken. Go see the world!

Quality vs Quantity! Relationships. Time and time again I hear the quote that we become the 5 people we surround ourselves with. I really examine who these people are and what they bring to to my life. I’m only looking for joy, love, and growth…

Stop trying to make relationships work. Whether it be a friendship or a partner. If they keep not showing up literally or figuratively why should I? There are only so many hours in a day, only so many times I can try , try again. Once letting go of a toxic relationship I am amazed at the energy that is released to find a much better use of my time and love.

I only have two ears and one mouth. Learning to talk less and listen more was a hard one for me because I felt “awkward” if there was any moment of silence. I was constantly thinking of the next thing to say. The result: I wasn’t concentrating on listening… I found that if I just slowed my brain and opened my heart to better communication I not only became a better friend and partner but

I also learned so much more about everything..

Find a career path not based on money or social status but on passion, giving back and a ,clear reason “why”. I can honestly say I LOVE what I do. Do not stay in a job that I dread. The world will not benefit from this. If I do something I enjoy the money and happiness will follow.. guaranteed!

The road is never ending and extremely windy. I look back and laugh at what I thought my life would/should look like as I ventured out in my early 20’s. I would have been scared to know that my vision for myself was not at all what the future held. But I would not have changed a single day to get me to where I am now. To change my experiences would be to change who I am. I also am not naive to the fact I have a whole lot of living ( or not ) and this will require a lot more of life lessons to endure….