Wisdom for my 20 year old self...

Now that I am officially 50, officially “mid-age” : I am manifesting living a happy healthy life until I am 100.I am looking back at my adult life, contemplating how I got to this exact moment.It wasn’t easy. Past days full of heartache I tend to block from my mind if I know I’m not in a good mental space to recall.Two children passed on, two failed marriages, being physically, emotionally, and spiritually abused from multiple relationships. Becoming part of the #Metoo movement… The list of “stuff” could go on and on. We all have “stuff”. Some have more “stuff” than others.The past made me full of grit. Courage and resolve; strength of character. Someone I can lean on, someone people can turn to.So what WOULD I tell my 20-year-old self looking back? This question is asked a lot, full of intrigue and complexity.Don’t worry and stress over the things I can not control. I’m and fixer. A “doer”. Solving problems is burned into my DNA. I can not control others’ actions which may or may not result in affecting the course of my life. What I can do is know that something bad can always lead to something good…There are no mistakes. There are only life lessons. If I looked back, shaking my head at all the “mistakes”, I would never leave my home or have another conversation or get into relationships with family and friends… I would potentially become a recluse… That IS a mistake! Each time I feel as if I haven’t done, said, or pursued the right thing I take a moment, breathe, pray and ponder what IS IT I can take away from this, and how can I change or do better for my future.Things will be better than I ever imagined. It takes patience. Don’t get me wrong, I went through years of “hard times” but I now know, it’s confirmed that God’s plan is better than mine.Don’t buy crap I really don’t need, especially to impress people that really don’t matter in my life or care. I have a closet filled with designer things, purses, scarves, shoes, and clothes. Guess what I do with them now… They sit in the closet.Shop for experiences, not things. I vaguely remember the gifts I give or get each year for Christmas but I DO remember all the trips, near or far I have taken. Go see the world!Quality vs Quantity! Relationships. Time and time again I hear the quote that we become the 5 people we surround ourselves with. I really examine who these people are and what they bring to to my life. I’m only looking for joy, love, and growth…Stop trying to make relationships work. Whether it be a friendship or a partner. If they keep not showing up literally or figuratively why should I? There are only so many hours in a day, only so many times I can try , try again. Once letting go of a toxic relationship I am amazed at the energy that is released to find a much better use of my time and love.I only have two ears and one mouth. Learning to talk less and listen more was a hard one for me because I felt “awkward” if there was any moment of silence. I was constantly thinking of the next thing to say. The result: I wasn’t concentrating on listening… I found that if I just slowed my brain and opened my heart to better communication I not only became a better friend and partner butI also learned so much more about everything..Find a career path not based on money or social status but on passion, giving back and a ,clear reason “why”. I can honestly say I LOVE what I do. Do not stay in a job that I dread. The world will not benefit from this. If I do something I enjoy the money and happiness will follow.. guaranteed!The road is never ending and extremely windy. I look back and laugh at what I thought my life would/should look like as I ventured out in my early 20’s. I would have been scared to know that my vision for myself was not at all what the future held. But I would not have changed a single day to get me to where I am now. To change my experiences would be to change who I am. I also am not naive to the fact I have a whole lot of living ( or not ) and this will require a lot more of life lessons to endure….