5 Things to NEVER Change for Your Partner, or For Anyone Else

"YOU DO YOU!"I recently got remarried, Im stating the obvious when I say that I had been married before. This lapse between the time of marriages had me contemplating things that went wrong, all the things I would not do again… Please take some advice from me and don’t make these mistakes. These are the top few things I would never ask someone to change nor will I ever change for someone else again…1.HairI have been a hairstylist for over 3 decades. It pains me when I hear someone say,” my husband won’t let me.”.. or”,”I hope she doesn’t get mad” or “they really want me to” … it’s YOUR hair. The one thing you can show your own expression, style, and sometimes culture to the world. It pains me when other people step in and say what they want on another person’s head. Yes, I get we all want our mate to find us attractive. Isnt being attractive also about having your free will and courage to do what we want with.. at least our hair? We all need to feel our best and our hair is one of the best ways to do this… Like I said in my intro. These are things I made the mistake of doing… so even I grew my hair LONG for my husband and guess what I did the moment I left… I cut it an inch all over, bleached it platinum blonde, and had an extra spring in my step. So much so that I was unrecognizable… my ex saw me later that evening, not knowing it was me, and tried hitting on me!! Yay… hmmm so much for him being attracted to long hair!2.WeightI was taught at a young age by a mother that was overweight all her life that I needed to stay skinny or no one will love me, desire me, or find me successful. Drilled into my head I believed this lie. Right after giving birth and only gaining 25 lbs I was asked the question “How long will my body stay like “that””. Scared that I no longer will be loved, desired, or thought of as a successful woman I starved and exercised myself back down to pre-baby weight within 3 weeks after my precious baby was born. Problems breastfeeding, regaining a normal period, and other issues arose making post-pregnancy more difficult than it is, and let me tell you … it’s already havoc on a woman’s body. To the present day, I still worry about my weight, and thank God I am with a supportive man. Premenopause makes it impossible to maintain a routine number on a scale. He cheers me on for eating healthy, exercising and getting out in nature and most of all feeling my best mentally3.CareerWhatever makes you happy doing on a day-to-day basis. Do that! and do it well. Life is too short for making money for the sake of making money and/or giving up a passion that you love because a partner may view it as a waste of time or a “hobby”. Do what you love and the money will follow. If you don’t do what you love go find it when you can. Please don’t ever let anyone ever talk you out of your dreams and passions. Don’t settle4.FriendsI get that there may be people that are not good to have in our lives. The toxic kind of humans that pry on weakness, loving to take us down when they get the chance. These people should not be labeled as “friends”. Our friends support us and are there through victories and tragedies. Partners should never talk us out of keeping these people in our lives! We need these people as our tribe. Sometimes our partners may become jealous or scared and try to run other loved ones away, don’t fall for this trap. Do everything in your power to continue to make plans with your friends, check in with them, and do life together.5.HobbiesNo! Drinking at a pub is not considered a hobby… so if your spouse is asking you to give that up, you may want to think about it… but other healthy recreational things such as sports, needle point groups, WRITING (!!), woodworking, crafts, etc continue to do. This strengthens your mind and also helps decompress from the other aspects of your life. If you don’t have a hobby, it’s important to find something you love to do in the creative world.. it really feels good to put your hand and mind to work.In essence, this short list is about not letting another person take away the true you. The spark and light inside you. It can chip away at your inner soul if you allow this to happen. And if a worse case scenario erupts and you are left alone once again, you may just need to go rebuild yourself… Actually, if I’m being honest can sound terrifying but in the end is exhilarating!